I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
