Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mom said you looked used
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
