Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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