Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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