I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
