I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
