My room smells like vodka and shame
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
