I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
