I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
