My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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