we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
