i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
