Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
