He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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