there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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