Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
