One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
