On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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