white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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