I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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