yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
