Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I forget how to act sober
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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