no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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