I want to have your abortion
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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