you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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