You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
