She is in my trunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
