omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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