Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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