drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
