My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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