Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
