Your tits are I can't wait for
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
