I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
