I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
