saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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