I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
