I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
