plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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