the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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