please come you make the beer taste better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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