I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
