I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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