I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My first STD was from a foam party
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
