my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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