Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
