Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
