Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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