someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
