Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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