All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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