my mouth tastes like poor choices
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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