I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
