his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
