She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
