You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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