Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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