and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
