I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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