So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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