Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
