My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
