Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
