I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
