he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
