he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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