My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
